i want to help

I can relate to most of you Im now 23 years old and havnt cut since I was 21 its been two years now! and you dont know how proud my friends and family are of me and I am of myself! Ive been through the pain where your friends dont treat you right the boyfriends or girlfriends to the guys leave you parents dissapointed in you and hurt not able to tell them!!!! I was a cutter from the time i was about 15 untill i was 21 and i cut because I was angry at myself I would be mad at a friend for going to parties without me and then think in some way it was my fault and get angry at myself I burnt cut banged my head or hit something realy hard I have tried killing myself so many times pills I would take bottles of sleeping pills sleep for days at a time so i couldnt feel the pain and drink with it slit my wrist over and over hoping it would go deep enough I was in and out of mental hospitals on any kind of medicine you can think of for depression anxiety ocd I also did drugs meth cocaine pot shrooms anything basically that i could get ahold of anything to get me out of the slump! I thought my life was hopeless I would even sleep with people just for the attenchin thinking I was fat and ugly and there was no way I would ever have a boyfriend again and i was lucky if someone would sleep with me! my whole world was just a dark shadowy place and slowly but surly with psychiatrist the right meds and a theripist to talk to I was able to pull out of it I now live with a wonderful man on 7 achers of land I have all the animals I love so much and my horse that I have always dreamt of! sure I still have problems I even think of cutting sometimes but I get through it and for the most part I love my life!!! for the first time so Im here to tell you theres hope look past the darkness theres a light though it may be small or even invisible right now it will get bigger as you crawl out of the whole and the deeper you get yourself the harder it is to get out the sooner you get help the better! but even if your so deep you cant even imagin the light it is still there its going to be alot of hard work dealing with your problems as well as every day problems but you can do it! dont let anyone tell you your crazy or stupid for what your doing because your not the action may be stupid but you are not stupid I understand and a true friend will understand I have 2 true friends now and they have both helped me through all of this be strong and if you need to talk to somone you can email me at julwer at aol dot com try not to feel alone!!!