i need to talk to someone who will understand what i am going through

i am 19. i was rape three times by the same guy. when i was in high school. the first time he did it i wsa 14 he came back ever year intel my junior year. i was so scared to say thing to anyone about it so i never told anyone intel it was to late but ever since that happen i have been cutting myself to del with the pain. i am was scared to be alone. i have really bad panic attack. my hole life i have been the quite shy girl who was alway pick on. know one ever saw how much i was hurting. i smile even when i felt like i want to dead. i have done will was not hurting myself but it still really hard i still have slip up and do it agian. i am scared and i need help.

Are you under the care of a psychological physician? You might be suprised how much talking about these things can help.